Today I gave my first speech at an event, and though I am aware that it was probably very clear it was my first time doing such a thing, I think it went well. Normally anxiety-ridden-me got through it alright.
Right now, I am sitting in my bed both anxious over a homework assignment and this dumb ass football game that the Pats are losing miserably. I finished the assignment and handed it in, but grad school work has me doubting myself in ways I’ve never experienced before.
I don’t really know how to describe it, but the pressure is on. And, the pressure is even more on now because it’s midterm time and I have three really big papers due in the next few weeks, but no idea how to start them. I feel like my time is not my own, like I am going to be upset with myself later for taking the time to write this.
The crazy thing is, writing this is the only way to calm me the fuck down before I move on to doing some of the other things I need to do before bed. It’s all sort of this weird vicious cycle, but I am going to get control of it.
In my speech today I talked about how blessed I was to have all of the people I have met through Greek life and it’s so true. I feel blessed to say that I have people, some of whom are more like my family than my family.
And then, there’s my dad who I have some small but comforting convos with every once in a while. I can’t truly put into words the way in which I appreciate him. Any time I get sad that my home life isn’t as positive as my friend’s project theirs to be, I try to just remind myself how blessed I am to have him, especially now that I am full fledge taking on this adulting thing.
He and all of my friends alway remind me that I can to anything I set my mind to, and so, I need to calm myself right now and remember that I’ve got this.