Hi y’all (idk if anybody actually reads this)
It’s been a few days. I’m going to be super annoying and chalk my absence up to my hormones making me a tired, cranky bore. I hate when people blame a woman’s feelings or actions on her hormones, but I think it’s okay for a woman to do so about herself sometimes.
Anyway, today I wanna talk about worth. It’s a pretty insane subject, I for sure won’t even touch upon half the things that I could about it. Specifically I wanna talk about how knowing and believing in your own worth does not necessarily mean your life is super fab and insecurity free.
The fact of the matter is, I think I’m pretty fucking great. I’d say I’m a great catch, I even think I’m beautiful which is not something you ever would have heard me say a few years back. I’ve spent a lot of time learning to love myself, and I’m proud to say that I do. (In the least annoying “I Love Me” Meghan Trainor sort of way)
Self-love is a continual growth process though, you don’t just attain it and have it forever, it takes work sometimes. Personally, it feels like my self-love works against me more than it does for me.
My biggest struggle by far is being caught between feeling like I am worth the world three times over, and wondering if I actually have as much to offer as I think. I know my worth, and I feel like sometimes that messes things up for me. I catch myself settling because settling allows me to have prospects (in terms of love prospects and stuff) whereas knowing my worth seems to make things more difficult.
It’s almost like dudes want women who don’t know their worth, that’s what it often feels like. It feels like being secure in yourself as a heterosexual woman scares potential love interests more often than not. Maybe “scares” isn’t the right word to describe it for every dude, but I don’t know, confidence seems to mess with them. Sometimes I feel like it’s because they do not want to put in the effort to show me that they understand I’m worth a lot. Other times i feel like they want to be the ones who build up my confidence to where it is etc.
There are a lot of different dynamics to it, but the one thing that is consistent is how tired it makes me. It makes me sad too. I question if I will ever find someone who believes my worth is what I believe it to be.
Even though it’s hard to keep from settling, I’ve gotta do better to remind myself that I am a bomb ass bitch who deserves the world. Anyone who makes me feel otherwise doesn’t deserve any of my time or energy. Even now, as I write this, I find myself only half believing that I am worth what I think I am. I find myself only half believing that I can stop settling.
It’s a vicious cycle friends, but I’m pretty sure I’m worth a lot and you are too. So keep pushing innhopes hat the cycle one day comes to an end.