And on her second day…

of senior year, she found her calling. 

HAHA I WISH. 

No seriously, I wish. The struggle to think past the next 24 hours is real out here. I already have so much going on that my brain is ready to shut down. I spent a good amount of time today working on a puzzle simply because I couldn’t get myself to not be overwelhmed by my responsibilities. 

I’m already so tired and everything just started, but I’m going to try to be a bit more positive this semester. 

So, I’ll recap the good things about my second day of senior year. First off, Spanish class seems like it’s going to be fun. I am so ready to immerse myself in the language again. 

Then, at work I was given permission to actually watch “GREEK” while I work. I’m so pumped for it, it’s not something I want to do all the time but I do think it will be helpful for when I need ideas for discussions/workshops etc. 

Part of my new role as a leadership intern is facilitating a big monthly meeting between council/chapter leaders. I’m both extremely nervous and kind of excited to see how it goes. I hate speaking in front of people, but I also feel like I have a knack for these sorts of things.

Lastly, a huge highlight of my day was that I made my first real meal in my apartment. It was delicious and there are leftovers so I am really excited about it. 

These next few days are going to be stressful, but I think I should be able to make time to write about the best parts of my day, so stick around and see what really cool stuff happens tomorrow  lol. 

The Surge

The time has come… 

may the annual surge in stress bless us with its presence… 

hopefully a little gentler than in years past. 

On my first day of senior year I spent an hour in the library attempting to read a book that I refused to buy at first, but ended up buying because I realized I would desperately need to highlight and fuck up the margins in order to prosper in class. 

My stress level has risen more in the past day than ever before. 

Being a senior is hard, and I’ll tell you why. 

First off, it’s your last year so you’re both pumped to get it over with and too lazy to get it started. Most seniors are of legal drinking age, or quickly approaching legal drinking age, which opens up a lot of new social opportunities for you. I myself, just turned 21 and am concerned about actually squeezing all the fun I should’ve been having but was too wuss to in the past three years, into one year. 

Apartment living is great (shoutout to my full size bed, she’s a beauty), but feeding yourself is hard. The year just started and I am already starving and sleep deprived.  Feeding yourself is just one of the many responsibilities you take on because you’re sort of an adult. 

If you’ve been doing college right, you’ve established yourself as a promininent leader/member of something. You might even have a job too. In both of these realms, being the oldest may require that you step up a little bit more. At my job, I have been  given a very serious new role and so I’ve already got a lot on my plate. 

Essentially, finding a blanace between work and play, and making sure to take care of your physical and mental health ,is really hard. 

I’m already tired and we’ve barely even started. 

BUT, I guess I will keep pushing and see if this surge of stress can be used in my favor. I’ll keep ya posted. 

First day of first grade..

Hey y’all it’s been a minute, my bad. Life comes at ya fast sometimes, but I’m ready to get back to writing. 

Today is technically the first day of not first grade, but senior year. (I have this really cheesy VeggieTales song that sings about the first day of first grade stuck in my head) I really cannot believe senior year is here already. 

Although I’m super stressed out trying to figure out when I am going to start figuring out my future, I am really pumped to take on this year. 

It’s really super tired at the moment, but I promise I’m not lying, I’m pumped. I just feel like greatness is in store for me, and I really hope it is. I just hope y’all are ready to hear all about how this girl who is half goddess, half hell, takes on one of the most important years of her life. 

No hay mal..

que por bien no venga. 

In English this translates to “Every cloud has a silver lining”, which, if you ask me (which you didn’t) doesn’t sound as good. 

This one sentence has gotten me through so much in my life, one day I’ll probably get it written on me somewhere. 

It’s not going through a particularly tough time at the moment, but it’s always nice to be reminded that you can make it through whatever life throws at you. 

Summer is coming to and end and senior year is fast approaching. It’s all super bittersweet. On one hand, this has been the most fun summer of my life. I truly feel like I’ve learned and grown so much over the past couple of months. I have many stories to tell my future kids (some will strictly be used as examples of what they shouldn’t do haha). 

On the other hand, I am ready for the fresh start a new school year brings. There are a few things about this summer that I’d like to clear my head of. It’s sorta like when people say they need a vacation from their vacation. 

I know that no matter what, however, something good will always come from the bad that happens in my life. There will always be a brighter day. Nothing will hold me back from flourishing into the bad ass I’m meant to be. 

No hay mal que por bien no venga. 

The Gospel Truth

* cue singers from Hercules* 

I’m tired and should be asleep, but my brother is currently praying really loudly, so I figured I would take this opportunity to write. The past few days I’ve had ideas of what to write about but I haven’t quite been in the mood, so I’m kind of glad my brother’s loudness is forcing me to now. 

It’s actually sorta funny that his prayer is pushing me into this, because today I wanted to talk about my secret love of Gospel music. 

I don’t think it’s really a secret for the people in my life. I spent like three days a week for the first fifteen years of my life at church. The music is one of the very few things I miss about it. 

Gospel music is like hella uplifting, which is good because so many parts of church could actually get a person down. I personally stopped going to church because I realized that it brought me an overwhelming amount of anxiety and made me hate myself. 

I had like zero self esteem growing up, and a lot of it had to do with the fact that I didn’t think I was perfect enough to get into heaven. I overanalyzed everhthing because I was so focused on the goal of getting into heaven. 

Now, I see that I can make my own heaven here on earth. My strong religious background is what actually inspired me starting this blog about letting my inner goddess out. 

Don’t worry, I’m not the antichrist, I do not think I am an actual god. 

This morning when I listened to my gospel music on the way to work, however, I realized that a lot of the songs could still apply to my life even though I am not a practicing Christian. One song, for instance, is about not compromising yourself and your beliefs for the world. My beliefs and lifestyle might be a little off from the ideal church-grown innocent girl people wanted me to be, but I still shouldn’t compromise them for anyone. 

I walked into work with the most positive attitude after jammin to my Gospel music for twenty minutes on the ride there.  There was a time when I’d be ashamed to admit that. There was a time when I would judge someone for listening to “secular” music and then singing along to some Gospel. 

Those times are done. I am now proud that I can go from being a boss ass bitch screaming Ivy Queen’s “Cuéntale” at the top of my lungs to singing Israel’s “Turn it Around” and feeling a renewed hope for my life.  

People should be free to explore religion in whatever manner suits them best as long as it does not bring harm. People should be able to put their phones on shuffle and have a Gospel song play right before Bodak Yellow, and a Disney song right after that. People should be able to live life in whatever unique way makes them happy, and that’s the gospel truth. 

I’ve been a goddess since I was eleven…I think 

In sixth grade I did a project on the Greek goddess Artemis. I’m forever emotionally scarred because I forgot my prop for my presentation and was embarrassed as hell. (I’m a crier, so yeah we all know what happened when I realized I forgot something worth like 5-10 points of my grade) 

Fun fact: Not only am I a crier, I’m also a bit of a perfectionist. I hate when the world sees my flaws. It’s quite possibly the worst thing ever. 

Anyway, back to Artemis. I can’t remember exactly why I chose her, but I was a little bit obsessed. Like now that I think about it, way back in sixth grade I had this whole concept of wanting to be my own goddess in my mind. Artemis seemed like a kick ass bitch to me then, and a kick ass bitch is what I hope to be now. 

Side note: I always pictured Artemis as looking like Xena the Warrior Princess. Xena was also someone I wanted to emulate much like I want to emulate all of the badass women in the most recent version of Wonder Woman. 

So yeah, this goddess thing has always sort of been a part of me I guess, at least for as long as I can remember. I realized that I don’t write as much about it as I should given the name of this blog, the URL etc. This whole concept of blogging is still fairly new to me in terms of really branding myself. 

Like I’ve said before, I’m not really interested in being well known for my blog, but a small following would be nice. A fellow blogger left me a comment today, the second of the only two comments I’ve ever gotten. The comment got me excited and inspired me to take another scroll through their page. Their page is cohesive as hell, and I want mine to be too. 

So, I did what any badass goddess would do and took to Pinterest for inspiration. (Pinterest is a gift sent from up above to help us growing gods and goddesses blossom.) I’m going to kick my little booty into high gear and get better at this whole thing I’ve got going on here. 

My last post mentioned that I am ready to be unapologetically myself, and that means I’m gonna proclaim my status as a goddess and really show the world what it means to be half goddess, half hell.

I’m ready

I’m like actually ready. What am I ready for exactly? 

Well, I was ready to give up on some things. I’m totally ready for my life to stop being the most annoying hot mess, but I’m choosing to make this post a happier one so here’s what I’m ready for: 

I’m ready to be taken seriously. I’m ready to demand the respect I deserve. I’m ready to be unapologetically myself.  

I’m two weeks shy of being twenty-one so I’m not gonna say I’m ready for full blown adulting or anything that comes along with that, but I’m almost there. 

I know what I want out of life, I know the great things I have to offer this world, and so I’m ready to take it all on. 

As seriously as I want this post to be perceived, five-year old me is literally screaming “I’m ready I’m ready I’m ready” like Spongebob. I even just took a second, left this post,and watched a YouTube video of him saying it. 

It’s whatever though, I feel like one of the best parts about being an adult has got to be that you are allowed to be an adult and a child at the same damn time. I just wish that we got to choose which aspects of childhood we could mix with our adulthood. Like, not having to pay bills as a child was nice so like I’m trynna not pay bills as an adult too haha. (I said “haha” but bills are actually no laughing matter, I’m drowning #help)

Anyway yeah, so what spawned this feeling of readiness? 

I brought lunch to a boy I like…

Yeah, I don’t get it either. I mean, I get it duh (and I’ll explain I promise), but it also makes me wanna vomit. Me ascribing to traditional gender roles? Yes, that happens.

Although that topic is too much of a windy road to go down for this post, I will admit that sometimes doing traditionally woman gendered things empowers me. 

Basically, bringing lunch to this boy reminded me of how great I am. I don’t have it all together, but I am super like nurturing and stuff to the people I care about. I say I hate people a lot, but anyone who knows me knows that that isn’t completely true. 

I like being someone people can rely on. I like bringing joy to others. So, I’m ready to be that person and I’m ready to bring that joy. Sure, people have taken me for granted in the past, or left me feeling unappreciated, but that’s no reason to not push forward being who I am. Right?

So “I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready” to be unapologetically me.