Latina Magazine posted this picture to their Instagram account today and it served as a great reminder of why I started this blog in the first place.

I know some people might be weary of the whole “Half Goddess, Half Hell” thing, sometimes I even question if thinking of myself as a goddess is normal.

Today, Latina Magazine reminded me that it is.

Everyone should take some time out of each day to remind themselves of how great they are. Times get tough sometimes, people make mistakes etc, but you should always reflect on how far you have come.

There have been so many times in which I’ve doubted myself or felt like I couldn’t make it through something, but look where I am now. I’m still a perfectionist who is irked that this picture is missing a word, but I have truly made a lot of progress on becoming the goddess I know is within me.

I’m truly amazed at myself, in the most modest way possible. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far and I can’t wait to see how far I keep going.

Grateful, grateful, grateful

It’s funny cause the thing I often hate my parents for the most is the same thing about them I am the most grateful for.

The older I get the more appreciative I am of the fact that they basically let me blossom on my own. Independence was something I wanted, but it was also something I couldn’t escape.

As the toughest kid and smartest kid between me and my brother (Sorry kid), it was easier for my parents to basically let me handle everything myself than have two full on kids to take care of. It’s not that my parents didn’t take care of me, they did, I just wasn’t babied like my brother.

As annoying as it was, im grateful for it because it prepared me so much for adulthood. I am nowhere near being a full on adult, but I’m for sure closer to it than some people I know.

I am a resilient young woman who can do anything anyone else can do better (or at least most anything). I can cook for myself, I can budget for important things, etc. I don’t call my parents every time I need something. In fact, I think sometimes that scares them.

I just prefer to handle most things myself. I don’t like feeling like a burden or being too dependent on people.

This is super ranty but it’s been on my mind lately. As scared as I am to graduate and be thrust into the real world, I know that I can handle whatever comes my way. Im just really grateful that I can say that.

No Pueden Pararme

The Queen, Ivy Queen, came out with a song entitled “No Pueden Pararme” last year, and it is seriously my whole mood for this year.

“No Pueden Pararme” means, they can’t stop me. 2018 is the year this goddess is unstoppable.

Even now, as I write this, there’s a million other things running through my head that I need to get a handle on.  I like to think of myself as a high-functioning anxious person, but I am not even that anxious right now. Sure, the stress of deadlines looming is always there, but right now I am in a good space.

I took my self-care Sunday routine pretty seriously today, and spent time both by myself and with my father. Hanging out with him always brings me this sort of calmness, even when we argue. There was no arguing today though, we had a great conversation over lunch.

I am actually really excited because he was telling me about some things, and he sounded really passionate about them. It’s not that I’ve never heard him be passionate before, its just that the particular subject matter he is passionate about is something I can really relate to.

Basically, we  had a little bit of a conversation about helping our own people. I’ve always sort of struggled with admitting that I would rather help my own people than just any people, because it sounds low key crazy, but I really don’t think it’s that crazy. By “my own people” I mean I am passionate about helping my fellow Latinos. One thing I am particularly passionate about is helping younger generations learn about their roots and heritage as soon as possible.

Why as soon as possible? I did not learn a lot about my Latina identity until college. I still learn new things everyday and am so fascinated by the history of our people. I feel as though sparking a young person’s interest in their heritage is something that can really help them go far. It sucks that I did not learn a lot about Latinos until college, because I know that in our screwed up society, college is not attainable for a lot of Latinos.

So yeah, I guess you could say I am just really hype that my dad and I sorta share similar passions. I am even more hype to go out into this world and really make a difference in peoples lives.  I will not be stopped, no pueden pararme.

Self-Care Sunday

Hey y’all, it’s been a minute.

The first two weeks of classes have successfully sucked the life out of me, but I’m back now and I promise to post as often as I can.

I did a really adult thing yesterday…

I applied to grad school.

I finally sat down and got all of my materials together. I think my application is pretty solid, but please send whatever good vibes you can because I’d really like the opportunity to continue my education.

I mean either way I will continue my education, but ya know, no one likes rejection.

With the application all set, I now have more free time to focus on the other things I want to do, like learning Portuguese. I’m really excited about it, I want to practice both Portuguese and my Spanish so that I can become trilingual (idk if that’s a real word but whatevs).

I also want to write more, on this blog, and in general. Writing is something I’m good at. (I got a 5/6 on the analytical writing portion of the GRE and literally cried.) I don’t know how I’ll use writing in my future endeavors besides grad school, but I know that it’s important for people to practice doing what they love to do.

I’m not even going to lie to you right now, im crazy tired and distracted so it’s definitely time I get started on “Self-Care Sunday”. The idea is basic as hell, I know, but it’s oh so necessary.

Everyone should pick a day and take it for themselves. I’ll fill you in on my splendid day later y’all, peace.

Flaws and All

To my mind, a goddess would be perfectly imperfect.

That sounds super cliche and I don’t wanna admit that in high school I wanted those two words tattooed on my back in Spanish, but it’s true.

Yesterday wasn’t the hottest day of my existence. I was fatigued as a mofo and everything was just off. It was like one of those days that reminds you of how human you are. Like you do something embarrassing or make a mistake you’d never wanna admit to anyone.

I’ve always sort of struggled with perfectionism. In a way, that makes it sound like an illness, but I’m inclined to say it sorta kinda is one. Like I would rather go to great lengths to keep up the appearance that I don’t make mistakes than ask for help.

Over time, I’ve gotten better about not being so hard on myself. Sometimes it’s not even about being hard on myself, it’s about wanting to prove that I can handle shit on my own. I’ve been expected to handle a lot of stuff on my own ever since I can remember, and people have for whatever reason proven to be unreliable time and time again in my life, so it’s always been easier to suck it up and do everything myself.

It’s definitely not a way I would advise people to live their lives (if anyone actually ever cared for my opinion haha). It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s important to learn from them. Our teachers teach us this when we’re younger, but eventually our society puts so much pressure on us to do better and be the best that we forget this. At least, I forgot for a while.

Now I try to let myself be okay with my flaws and mistakes. I’m not to the level of necessarily “celebrating” them as some people would say yet, but I’m definitely not ruminating in them as much anymore. I also like to celebrate my wins, no matter how small they might seem.

Last night I cried tears of joy because I got my test scores back from the GRE and I basically crushed the analytical writing portion. Now, I’m not even sure how much weight schools put on that portion, but to know that I did better than a big portion of the population who takes the test has me riding this wave of joy right now. I’m not one to brag, but it is something I am really proud of.

I’ll admit I didn’t do too hot on the quantitative portion of the test, math on standardized tests has always been a weak point. While old me probably would be stuck on that, wondering how I could’ve done better, current me is chillen. I’ve done something a lot of young people like me don’t ever even get the opportunity to do, with my weak areas and all.

So like, I feel like the goddess within me is really thriving, flaws and all

Happy Daze

Do you ever have a day in which for whatever reason you are really happy to be who you are?

Like as stressful as my life gets and stuff, I’m so hype to be me. I wouldn’t wanna be anyone else.

Maybe I’m just riding the high of starting my last semester of undergrad. Check out my first day of school pic:

I don’t know, I’m not even in the best mood today but I’m happy to be me. I just got done cooking a bomb ass meal and last night I cooked one too, arroz con habichuelas y plátanos. (I really love that living in an apartment and only having to feed myself means I can fry an entire plantain for myself)

Anyway, yeah. I’m super proud to be Latina everyday, but last night’s meal and my music today just has me so glad that I’m Latina. Like Salsa and merengue are my entire life, they just give me so much life. I could not imagine life without them. You know how some people don’t bop to their music? I will never understand how people can listen to tunes without moving a single body part. I have full on dance sessions wherever I am when listening to a bop.

Though my hormones are for sure in shambles right now, I love that I’m a woman. There’s just something about the power we have that is so exhilarating. I also really love that I can be a badass bitch and a sweet girl all wrapped into one.

My body has been all over the place lately, but when I went to take some “before” pictures so I can track my workout progress, I didn’t see flaws like I normally do. Sure, I could benefit from tightening everything up, but I love that my Latina genes are peeping through.

I really am a goddess in so many ways, and each day I unlock more and more of my goddess potential. I’m fucking killing it and I’m just so happy to be here.

It’s Gross, Oh Well *shrugs*

I do this thing, every once in a while that’s pretty gross…

I cry like a baby.

The other day I moved back on to campus for the last time in my undergrad career, and after packing my car I sat in my car and cried for a few minutes.

Now, I could have been crying because I am going to miss my home shower. I could have also been crying from exhaustion because packing is a bitch. Moving back to the middle of nowhere where I constantly end up feeling trapped could have also been the source of the tears, but more than anything, moving in for my last semester means so much.

In high school, I always figured I would make it this far. I thought college would be cake, it never occurred to me that it wouldn’t be, because college is just what was expected of me. Ya know, like now graduate school is sorta just expected too because everyone says you can’t really do anything anymore with just a Bachelor’s Degree.

Now that I know the reality of life, I honestly look back over the past three and a half years and can’t believe I’ve made it. If you look at my transcripts, or ask people who know me, but only at the surface level, they’d probably tell you they knew I could do it no problem. The reality of it is, however, that there has been many a time in which I did not think I was cut out to continue on with my education.

I have made it to the last first day of undergrad, and if I cry just know they are happy tears. What may seem like a small accomplishment for some is a huge deal to me, and if that makes me dramatic and gross, so be it. (I’m sure there’s also a “last first day” picture to come, so get ready for more cheesiness)