I’m Gonna Be

I am insanely sleep deprived, my stomach hasn’t been settled in three days, I’m on a bus ride from Pittsburgh to Connecticut, and I feel amazing.

This could totally be a result of my body being out-of-whack and me being insanely emotional as a result. I am always insanely emotional though right?

I just feel really good about life right now. I got to see my Big today, and yesterday I got to see another mentor of mine who is actually one of the reasons I got into my grad program. Both of these women really inspire me to do and be better.

I am actually really fortunate to have a lot of people in my life who inspire, challenge, and encourage me. I actually feel like for the first time ever, people genuinely believe in and care about me.

I just hope that I one day get to be what these people are for me, for someone else. I want to change the world by helping to make individual lives better. I want to be the person who challenges someone to live up to their full potential. I want to be the person who indirectly helps someone find their place in the world.

Forget these “wants”, I’ve decided I am gonna be those things. I am meant to be those things. What good is it being a goddess if you’re not out here lifting up and helping other goddesses and gods?

I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD

Jk.

I’M GOING TO GRAD SCHOOL!

I feel like I just won the Super Bowl which is nice because my team definitely lost this year.

I got the acceptance email around noon today, which was a complete shock because I wasn’t expecting to hear anything for a few weeks.

I quickly sent a screenshot to some people and then raced my way over to take a psych exam. I’m for sure concerned that I didn’t do too hot on the exam because it was sooooo hard to focus.

After the exam I got to sit and actually read the letter, and learned that I got a graduate assistantship and my tuition waived. Literally it is the most perfect thing, I get to study what I love and it’s not going to be as heavy of a financial burden as I thought.

A short time ago, I decided to stop being scared and pursue my dreams, now, I can’t believe I’m actually doing the damn thing. In 2020 I will graduate with a degree in International Studies with a focus on Latino and Latino American Studies. I can’t believe it.

I’m so excited and proud of myself. I’m ready to take on the world.

This is honestly just what I needed to get back on track and stuff. I can’t wait to start this journey and I truthfully feel so blessed.

This Afro-Latina goddess is gonna do big big things.

Happy Wednesday

At least, I’m sure hoping it’s a happy Wednesday. Tuesday was horrible and the semester is now full steam ahead, so I really need today to get me on the right track.

Even now, I can’t focus. It’s been like that lately. I’m not sure what’s good with me but I need it to not. Today is the day that sets the tone for the rest of my semester.

I desperately need to go to bed,but I’ll check back it at the end of this lovely Wednesday which also happens to be Valentine’s Day. peace out fam.

I’m Bad at This

I’ve been pretty bad at this blogging thing lately, my apologies. Life has been hectic and I haven’t really been up for writing.

Writing keeps me sane though, so I really should try to keep up with is. I have decided to try following some prompts every once in a while, that way, even when I am not feelin it, I can have something to write about.

It’s funny actually, I blogged this week for my Human Rights class, but I haven’t really been about blogging my own personal stuff. I wanna just blame hormones, but its really so much more than that.

2018 has proven to be very similar to 2017 in some ways so far, and no matter how hard I fight, it seems to just be getting harder and harder to change things. I know that growing isn’t painless, but I sure wish it was.

At this point I’m sort of over everything, just really indifferent. There are a few things that have brought me joy though. Actually, there are a few people who have brought some joy to my life lately.

Firstly, I reconnected with my high school best friend recently. Even though I totally suck at texting back sometimes, it really is nice to have her back. I should probably let her know that. There’s just something so comforting about being able to talk to people who for the most part get you. She’s been here to listen to my 2018 struggles thus far and I am so appreciative of it.

Secondly, my best guy friend and I have chatted a bit recently, and I love it. He has helped me through so much more than I am willing to admit. He is my go-to person for literally anything , and I am blessed to have him. We can go extended periods of time without talking, but when we do talk it feels as though time hasn’t gone by.

Lastly, I have a new guy friend. He’s the nicest human, I did not know nice guys like him to exist to be honest. (No shade to my best guy friend, but even he isn’t this nice). This kid is beautiful. He’d probably feel weird about me saying that, but have you ever met anyone who is just beautiful? Like you can’t exactly pinpoint it, but they’re just great? I doubt he’s flawless, but it is refreshing that people like him exist. I thoroughly enjoy any time spent talking to or hanging out with him, and it’s been a while.

So, even though this post started out on a sort of negative note, writing it has reminded me that I have so much to be happy about. I’ve always had tons to be happy about, and for that I am blessed. I guess what I am really bad at is pausing and reflecting on all the good things I’ve got going on, and all the good people I actually have in my life.

A Bowl

Currently enjoying the best bowl of Cream of Wheat I’ve ever made.

The woke part of me is trying to ruin it by thinking about the fact that I’m grateful I get to see a bowl of this stuff as a treat and not the only thing I can eat.

Seriously, sometimes the smallest things make me appreciate life so much more.

Clearly, my entire mood has changed since my last post. My workout definitely worked to ease my everything. My abs are screaming as I sit here typing this because I went so hard.

I also went hard on my homework, I’m actually really proud of myself. It’s taken a minute to get back into the groove. I even wrote a couple of articles for some spare change (which isn’t really spare change to me but would be to most people who aren’t struggling financially like me).

I’m gearing up to spend some time reading an ethnography for my Anthro of The Caribbean class before I go to bed, and I’m pretty content.

I’m content, but this moment of reflection over a bowl of Cream of Wheat has made me really wanna start working more on causes that matter to me like rebuilding Puerto Rico and feeding the kids in New Haven.

I love how life always seems to bring positive out of my negative. Tomorrow is a new day and I’m gonna be so ready to tackle it.

Brb.

You ever feel everything all at once?

So much so that you don’t know what or how to feel, you just know you feel?

I’m hoping this workout I’m about to do can solve that issue for me.

I feel like I wanna run, but I’m not a runner, so clearly something isn’t right. It’s like my body is in fight or flight mode, which is weird because nothing is going on right now.

Sure, I could use more sleep. Sure I have assignments that I need to work on. Of course, I’m worried about money like always, but none of these things are new or the biggest deal.

I don’t know what’s good, but hopefully my brain space will be clear enough after this workout to articulate something better. Hopefully my next post will be a lot more positive, because lately they’ve been the opposite.

Brb.

Life Suckers

So the Pats just lost the Super Bowl and I should be really sad about that, but I’m actually not.

I am, however, sad that I’ve wasted time on certain people in my life. People have this weird way of sucking the life out of me and I’m over it.

So I’m gonna focus on restoring all of my life and energy. Typically I’d attempt to do this by being a hermit, but I’ve decided to do better.

So I’m not going to be a hermit, I am going to intentionally surround myself with people who love me and don’t suck the life out of me.

I’ve spent too long being other people’s love/light source. I’m tired of people taking me for granted, so guess what, they no longer have me.

Peace out life suckers.