Ugly Friend

I spent a long time hating myself, and an even longer time learning to love myself.

Ask most people nowadays, and “confident” is probably one of the words they’d use to describe me.

That confidence was tested last night, almost shattered.

Honestly, it feel like it was completely shattered but I know it wasn’t.

How could years of loving and accepting myself me wiped away in one night?

I refuse to believe they are completely, but damn do I not feel so great right now.

All my life I’ve been blessed with amazingly beautiful friends inside and out, but this has also been sort of a curse. I am the ugly friend, always (in some cases I’m simply the non-white friend which in an unspoken way makes me undesirable).

Few things hit harder than talking to someone, only to find out they’re after your friend. Or simply being completely ignored while in a group.

I’ve often written about feeling alone, and this is just one trend that plays into me feeling that way.

I know I’m great, I know anybody would be lucky to have me, but do I?

I don’t know, just not in the best headspace right now.

I’ve been wanting to make my blog more positive, but I can’t do that and be true to myself.

The fact of my life is that it is all over the place, but no matter what I’m gonna get through each day being more of a goddess than I was before.

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