And that’s that.

Growing up, I was taught to treat others the way I want to be treated, and it’s something I really took to heart.

Something I wish I took more to heart is the fact that people can only treat you how you allow them to.

I’ve been alive for almost 22 years and that fact is just now really hitting me. I have let way too many people treat me in ways I don’t deserve.

I truthfully don’t know what’s good with me to be honest. Like, I assume and expect the worse from people, but at the same time I always try wayyyy too hard to see the good in them. Quite honestly, it makes no sense, I make no sense.

Like, I know people are awful, but I still hold on to this hope that maybe they aren’t as awful as I think.

I know how I deserve to be treated, and instead of running for the hills when I am not treated as I am supposed to be, I stick around hoping for change. Like sis, get it together. *inserts facepalm emoji*

I have to be able to draw the line, to find some sort of balance between having faith in people and knowing when to just drop them.

I don’t want to be a pessimistic ass person who hates everyone, but I don’t want to be naive about things either. I’ve been known to stick around people for longer than I should have in the past and I really need to cut it out.

The second someone shows their true colors, the second I am treated in a way I don’t deserve I should just cut them out, and that’s that.

A true goddess would not stand for someone getting her worth all fucked up, so that shit ends today. And that’s that.

Y’all ain’t seen nothing from me yet.

It’s self-care Sunday which means a whole lotta self reflection.

To be honest with you, I do a lot of self reflection on the regular, but Sunday’s I really spend time thinking about how I want to ensure I’m living my best life for at least the week ahead.

I’ve been slipping like a motherfucker lately. I’ve been letting myself get distracted, I’ve been worried about the wrong things, but it’s time to “Level Up” as Ciara would say.

“I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR GAMES” *insert yelling emoji*

I’m gonna be somebody,I’m gonna do great things, I’m gonna live a life that makes me happy & have all that I could ever want.

Anyone who is not contributing positively to me leveling up does not matter. That’s it, I’m done. It’s time for a boss ass reset.

I’ve spent too long hoping to get back the energy I give, but now I’m changing my whole energy up. I’m demanding what I deserve and that’s that.

Going Places

Hey y’all, it’s been a minute.

Today was a not-so-great day, but good things always come from the bad, right?

For a second today (definitely longer than a second, but please let me live), I forgot who the fuck I was.

Your girl was out here feeling sad over a boy, knowing damn well she’s too much of a goddess for that shit. It’s really crazy. Like the power that other humans and human interaction can have over how you feel.

I wonder all the time why the hell God was like “yeah let’s make this one extra emotional, an empath and all dat”.  When your girl feels, she feeeeeeeels.

It’s all good though, I did a little retail therapy today to cheer myself up. My favorite purchase is my new ban.dō planner. It says “Going Places” on the cover, and you bet your ass that’s what I am doing.

I don’t have time to be caught up on people who aren’t at all caught up on me clearly. I have things to accomplish. I have goals and aspirations. I’ve got dreams I am working on making come true.

Anybody who is not contributing to me going places does not matter.
I AM SMART

I AM STRONG

I AM FEARLESS

I AM BEAUTIFUL

I AM A GODDESS DAMMIT.

I can’t be out here letting myself forget these things. I am worthy of all the good things this world has to offer me. I am worthy of everything I want out of life, and I am determined to get it.

Your girl is back, let’s get it.

Welcome, Welcome

I met with an old friend, well not really an old friend, more like someone I haven’t spoken to in a long time today. It was beyond refreshing.

He asked me to recap my life since the last time we spoke and holy shit has a lot happened in a year.

We talked for quite a bit and I can’t even tell you how long it’s been since I’ve had such a nice convo. At one point, he asked about my blog. I was shooketh.

I couldn’t believe he even remembered it was a thing. Sure, it’s on all of my social media but I don’t really advertise it. What got me the most was that he remembered that I didn’t like people reading it.

More specifically, I didn’t like people I know reading it. Since then, both my blog and I have come a long way though. I’m using a completely different site, it’s structured differently, etc. I’m proud of it.

Though the point of this blog is not for me to get famous or anything (although I’m hoping one day it’s used as a minor form of embarrassment or the base of a memoir after I have become famous in the realm of academia), I welcome whoever to read it now.

It is the safe space in which I can honestly be myself all the time. Sure, some people might have problems with the things I say or the stories I tell, but they are all my truths.

My experience of life is mine, and no one can take that away, no matter how much they feel they know about me.

Sharing my life with the world is probably a) unwanted lol no one asked for this shit, I know b) maybe a bit risky but you know what?

Screw it.

Judge me, love me, hate me, question me, disagree with me, whatever it is, this goddess welcomes it, because she won’t compromise who she is for anyone.

So,Welcome.

It’s Time

Time for what?

Time for a lot of things.

Mostly, it’s time for me to really take control of my life. Today is a huge day, one that I’m forever gonna remember, so I’ve decided to make it more memorable by declaring something things and facing some realities.

First off, it’s time to get my shit together. Yay #adulthood.

It might be time for me to start doing more about my problems than just writing about them, it might be time to talk to someone.

It’s time to genuinely put people who deserve to get left in my past, in my past.

It’s time to tackle all my problems, joys, fears etc head on.

It’s time to reset and reinvent myself. It’s time to soul search and truly learn everything there is to learn about myself.

It’s time to be genuinely happy in every sense of the word.

It’s time, and I’m ready, ready to take on the world.

May is a close second

August is my favorite of the year, but this May might be a close second this year.

May is proving to be phenomenal so far.

It was 85 degrees today and I was thriving, I know I am meant to live somewhere warm.

Yesterday, my work family showed me what it really means to be work family, and today my boss told me he is for sure planning on employing me next year.

Tomorrow I take my last two finals of undergrad, and even though finals suck, it’s exciting.

Then, in a few days I walk across that stage and into the next chapter of my life.

I am beyond excited now. Not only do I feel accomplished, I feel empowered and ready to take on the world. There’s so much I want to do and it’s all going to get done.

Everything I want I am coming for. No one will stop me, nothing will stop me, I am ready.

May is going to be a month of positivity for me, I’m going to make a great effort to start the next journeys of my life off on the right note (I almost wrote “write note” which just speaks to the fact that writing is something I need to do more of).

Your girl has plans, your girl is going to change her life, her blog and the world, so watch out, because when my brain cells are back from the vacation they are currently taking, I’m coming full force.

Those hellish-warrior- goddess vibes will be oozing and coming out strong.

Decision Day

Four years ago, I was hesitant to tell people that I had decided to spend my undergraduate career at UConn.

Well, I didn’t really decide, it was sort of my only option. I got into seven other well known schools but costs were a problem, so this is where I ended up, my safety school.

I hate saying that to people because it’s not like UConn is a bad school, it’s a great school. People love to brag that it’s a “Public Ivy”. For me, that wasn’t enough at the time. I felt like I worked my ass off for no reason. Not to sound cocky or anything, but I felt that I was too good for UConn.

A few factors went into that feeling, but I don’t really wanna get into it.

Now, I still don’t feel like I’ve had the best college experience I could have. I’m hoping that the next two years getting my Master’s in a subject I love will help change that.

I think the worst part is being trapped on this campus in the middle of nowhere. It’s gotten to me a few times in these past four years, more than a few actually.

I think I’ll always sort of resent that feeling of being trapped here. I was trapped physically and financially. That’s genuinely what much of the past four years felt like.

Thankfully, along the way I have met some amazing people who think I’m amazing, and push me to be everything I dream of being in life. So rather than sulk in feeling like I did my college experience wrong, I chose to declare today my own decision day.

Today I decide:

  • To let go of as many negative feelings I have towards people, places etc in my life as I can.
  • To go forward pursuing my dreams and let nothing hold me back.
  • To be my best damn self and do the damn thing.