At it again..

“And by “it” I mean, being my own worst enemy, of course.

I wonder just how many great things I’ve ruined for myself. I hope not too many, but I’m pretty sure it’s more than I’d like.

Anyway, it’s technically self-care Sunday, so I’m not gonna beat myself up about it. Instead, I’m going to focus on moving forward, on learning from each day..”

I started this post last night when I was too tired to keep my eyes open, but I wanna finish it because I feel like it’s something someone somewhere might relate to.

The basic rundown of my day yesterday is that I spent most of it pretty sure I ruined a friendship I’ve got going.

If you can’t tell from this blog, I am like #1 in the world when it comes to a person being hard on themselves. It’s something that is definitely a continuous battle.

Being so hard on myself actually plays in, and sort of kicks off the vicious cycle of me being my own worst enemy. Clearly very fun times.

But last night, I was reminded to calm the fuck down. Firstly, I need to stop getting in the way of my own happiness. Secondly, I gotta stop letting my happiness and peace be so easily disturbed.

So this self-care Sunday is all about trying to see everything from some sort of positive perspective

So let me get my shit together and start by joyfully packing for move-in, because move-in means I get to make another place my home and sanctuary for a little while.

Going Places

Hey y’all, it’s been a minute.

Today was a not-so-great day, but good things always come from the bad, right?

For a second today (definitely longer than a second, but please let me live), I forgot who the fuck I was.

Your girl was out here feeling sad over a boy, knowing damn well she’s too much of a goddess for that shit. It’s really crazy. Like the power that other humans and human interaction can have over how you feel.

I wonder all the time why the hell God was like “yeah let’s make this one extra emotional, an empath and all dat”.  When your girl feels, she feeeeeeeels.

It’s all good though, I did a little retail therapy today to cheer myself up. My favorite purchase is my new ban.dō planner. It says “Going Places” on the cover, and you bet your ass that’s what I am doing.

I don’t have time to be caught up on people who aren’t at all caught up on me clearly. I have things to accomplish. I have goals and aspirations. I’ve got dreams I am working on making come true.

Anybody who is not contributing to me going places does not matter.
I AM SMART

I AM STRONG

I AM FEARLESS

I AM BEAUTIFUL

I AM A GODDESS DAMMIT.

I can’t be out here letting myself forget these things. I am worthy of all the good things this world has to offer me. I am worthy of everything I want out of life, and I am determined to get it.

Your girl is back, let’s get it.

I feel…

Better!

Today was a good day I would say. Definitely not as down as I have been lately, but definitely still searching for something more.

Like I just need more to be excited about and focused on.

I set some goals for myself that I’m going to be working on till my birthday, and day one is officially done.

I really just struggle with motivation when there’s no real structure to my life, but I’m trying to make structure. It’s funny because it’s just another example of how much of an “in between” person I am.

I need structure to function but I also live for spontaneity. I hate social interaction and how it sucks the life out of me, but I also need it.

It’s all good though, just have to figure out what works best for the different balances.

I feel like things are gonna be alright.

June’s Journey

I saw a tweet today that talked about how 2018 can be described as January being insanely long and the rest of the months going by really fast.

I am sad to admit that I set goals for June that do not appear possible to complete at this point. I think it was a combination of setting too many, underestimating the toll work would take on me, and a few other life happenings getting in the way.

I don’t like excuses though, so I am going to get my act together. One of the first things I want to work on is completely unrelated to those previously established goals though. I want to get involved in something that doesn’t put me at the forefront.

I know I still and will forever have tons of work to do on me, but the state of this world really has me wanting to make a difference in someone else’s life in any way I can. There are just so many disgusting things going on in our society and I want to help move things in a positive direction.

I think its the only way of not letting all the negative stuff consume me to be honest. There’s so much about my life, and just life in general that I want to change, that it is easy to get caught up and feel weighed down by it.

So, like I have been saying recently, its time to take some baby steps in the right direction.

I don’t know where exactly life is taking me yet, but I am pretty sure helping others is going to be a big part of the rest of my life, so it’s time I explore in what ways I can.

A true goddess knows how to split her time between working her way through life and helping others navigate theirs.

I don’t know exactly what journey I am on or will be on, but I hope you join me as I finally get back to journeying towards my goddesshood.

Baby Steps

Small steps in the right direction are still steps.

This is something I tell friends/peers all the time.

Ask me how often I listen to my own advice or words of wisdom?

The answer would obviously be rarely *insert eye-rolling emoji*

Well, I’m trying to do better.

Tonight I took a few small steps to getting my life to the zen place I wanna be in forever.

Now they might seem minuscule, but in the grand scheme of my life these first baby steps will be the most important ones.

The goddess is back y’all, and she’s coming for ya, slowly but surely.

Take a Break

I still haven’t seen Hamilton, but the soundtrack never fails to get me through.

One of my favorite songs in the play (I have many) is “Take a Break”. It’s sorta the theme song to my summer.

I deserve a much needed break, and I need to allow myself to actually take and enjoy it.

It’s easy to get caught up in this world, especially when everything costs money. I’m really stressing having a steady cash flow this summer in order to do a lot of the fun stuff I wanna do and get started saving. My parents raised me to be on top of my shit and I feel like I’m not on it right now.

During the school year I’ll be more than set, but I need to somehow survive the next four months.

I also need to make sure I’m actually a human these next four months too. I wanna make sure I remember who I am and learn more about who I am becoming.

I’ve started out pretty okay in that I’m doing more of what I love. I’ve been writing more, I’m in the middle of a good book and I’ve gone on a few hikes.

I think I just need to listen to the song once a day to keep myself in check. It seems weird to force yourself to relax, but all I can say is welcome to my life.

A life that I am actually really excited about these days so I’m not gonna let my constant worrying bring me down.

I’m going to both Take a Break and be Non-Stop in terms of my journey of self exploration. This is the most excited I’ve been for a summer break in a long time.

(But if any of you know of a job your girl could do for the next four months hmu lol)

Self Care Summer

Typically, my Sundays’ are dedicated to self care, but yesterday a few things got in the way of that.

So I’m declaring today another Self-Care Monday, but I am also declaring this entire summer to be dedicated to self care.

The fact is, I am alone in this world, not completely, but for the most part, so it’s on me to take care of myself. No one knows me like I know me, and so rather than rely on others for the support and all that other good stuff I need, I will rely on myself.

I am making myself my own too priority.

So this summer I’m going to build myself up in every way possible, physically, mentally, spiritually, the works.

I’ve spent a lot of time worried about others, or other things, and now it’s time to focus on myself. Now that undergrad is over, I’m stepping more into my adulthood, which means its time for me to start setting the foundation for the life I wanna live when grad school is done and I move on to my next adventure.

I’m really freakin excited.

This goddess is gonna blossom right before your eyes.